Category: Marriage

4 Marriage Tips from Someone Who Thought She Knew

My models for marriage were not flawless.

Although of course I didn't really know (can one ever really know about someone else's marriage?), I did not view the marriages of several couples in my early life as being especially happy. Some of them indulged in long, uncomfortable silences when they were angry or hurt. Others barely tolerated one another. My grandparents had not shared a bed since they were surprised by their sixth child.

I knew I wanted to be able to share my deepest thoughts with whomever my future husband would be; I wanted him to be my best friend, there for me when I needed him; I wanted to write poems for him and have him understand. I wanted more. (Excerpted from This Path)

And of course, there in my teens, I thought that knowing what I wanted would make a marriage perfect. No surprise there. I thought I knew everything. 

It turns out that our marriage is not perfect. But it has lasted 64 years,15 days, and counting. And Les and I do have a few more tips that have helped us:

  1. Understand that no partner in a marriage is 100% wrong.
  2. If you think you hate him, watch him sleep and gently touch his face.
  3. Try to go to bed at the same time each night; play kissy-face.
  4. Realize that sex can be a rite of forgiveness.

 

What strategies have you used to improve your marriage?

Just four more days to take advantage of the special offer to get a copy of THIS PATH WE SHARE for just $10 plus FREE SHIPPING. This Path encourages, entertains, and inspires any couple. A fine gift for weddings, anniversaries, yourself.

Any questions, call 303.781.8974.

5 Tips on Marriage from Someone Who Really Doesn’t Know

64 years and 13 days.

As our anniversary month nears a close, I think of many things I would have liked to have shared. Oh, well, maybe next year! Or maybe this Thursday.

I don't usually talk about tips because I firmly believe that each new day in a marriage is an adventure with the possibility to be totally amazing and the possibility of falling off a cliff with a steep climb back. (The steep climb back is only feasible if the fall has not been fatal.)

"Amazing" or "devastating" depend somewhat on the affect of the two persons involved on a given day and somewhat on events that unfold and somewhat on events that occurred years ago that tend to pop up at the most inopportune moments. (People talk about leaving past altercations in the past. Good for them.)

And I don't give advice because, even after 64 years, no one is an expert on marriage.

Anyway, if these help, I'm happy.

  • Create a post-parenthood marriage. It will be different from pre-parenthood and vastly different from the years you were bearing and raising children.
  • Remember no partner in a marriage is ever 100% right.
  • Make a commitment to life-long sexual connection. You'll be glad you did.
  • Reinvent your lives as necessary.
  • Realize that your shared history becomes more precious as each year goes by.

 

I'd like to hear your tips. 

And remember the special offer stands through September 30. Copies of This Path We Share for only $10 plus FREE shipping. Click on "Order Direct Add to Cart." Any questions, 303.781.8974. Money back guarantee.

 

Married in September (7)

Be sure to read to end of post for the surprise!

Today I want to tell you about our overnight trip to Grand Lake to celebrate our 64th. 

The first big departure from our original honeymoon was that this time it rained furiously all the way to Estes Park. followed by twenty miles of fog into Rocky Mountain National Park. As soon as we passed the Continental Divide, there was the sun. We could see a long stretch of the Divide. On the east side of the ridge, the dense clouds piled right up to the top. The west side was blue sky. Quite striking.

Secondly, while we were assigned the same cabin we had sixty-four years ago, it had been remodeled. King size bed now. Electric heat instead of the old wood stove. Updated bathroom. New carpet covered the old rough wood floors. Quite lovely.

Third departure – not quite as much sex.

Fourth departure – We went to dinner on the glassed-in deck of the Lodge. In honor of our anniversary, and with much enthusiasm from management, we gave a copy of This Path We Share to each couple there. Our gifts were met with delight and soon the entire deck was wrapped in love and good wishes. Les and I were ecstatic.

And now, while we can't give away books to all of you, I did promise a surprise and this is it:

Starting today, through September 30 only, we are offering copies of This Path We Share for just $10 (regular price $18.95) plus FREE shipping. This book makes a wonderful present for newly marrieds, harrieds, and old-timers like us. Limit 3 to a customer, please.

Go to the bottom of the page on  This Path We Share and click on "Order Direct Add to Cart." You can order as a guest if you don't have a Paypal account. If you want to send a check or have questions, call me at 303.781.8974. 

We offer a money-back guarantee. If you hate the book, I'll feel terrible, of course, but send it back and we will (sort of happily) refund the $10.

What can you lose? Do it now. I'll even personalize the book for you.

If you aren't interested, please keep following my blog, anyway! I love you all.

Married in September (6)

So now we're married. (Actually, we've been married sixty-four years and one day. We celebrated our marriage at Grand Lake Lodge where we spent our honeymoon. Went yesterday and returned this afternoon. The aspen were astonishingly beautiful.)

This is the poem I gave to Les sixty-four years ago on our wedding day. Please do remember it was written by a seventeen-year-old.  

For Les on Our Wedding Day

I come to you, beloved,
with all I am and own
I bring the gift of love
to you alone

I come to you with faith
although we cannot see
the days ahead–nor all
that is to be

I come to you with hope
that love will surely bring
a truer note of closeness
a song to sing

I come to you with joy
and yet I leave behind
my girlhood and its dreams
the ties that bind

I come to you with love
and in your eyes
I catch a glimpse of love fulfilled
and paradise

I come to you, beloved,
with all I am and own
No one else can bring this gift–
I come alone

(Excerpted from This Path We Share: Reflecting on 60 Years of Marriage, (c) 2010 Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad)

More tomorrow…

 

Married in September (5)

Today is the 64th anniversary of our wedding. 

[Les and I are heading out for an overnight getaway at Grand Lake Lodge in the Rocky Mountains, where we spent our honeymoon. We plan to skip the dingy wedding-night-hotel this time. Been there. Done that.]

So in honor of our anniversary, I can describe our wedding no better than to quote from This Path We Share: 

Late afternoon sunlight, softened by the stained glass windows, caught in my white tulle veil and reflected on the simple white satin gown my mother had made.

I trembled as my father and I walked down the aisle of the small chapel of University Park Methodist Church, but Daddy steadied my arm. My ten-year-old sister, Jannie, and our cousin, Laurel, angelic in identical peach dresses, had lit the ivory candles in the candelabra on each side of a large bouquet of peach gladioli.

Did they stand next to my maid of honor in her borrowed sof-green dress? Was Les' brother Wendell, his best man, standing next to Les? I don't know. I saw only Les.

He waited at the altar–tall, ramrod straight and lean, like a fair-haired Vikiing–smiling, although his right fist tightened and relaxed, tighted and relaxed…

When the minister pronounced us man and wife, euphoria descended over me like a second veil. My dream had come true… I was Mrs. Les Hjelmstad.

(Excerpted from This Path We Share, (c) 2010, Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad.)

All I can say is that we are still the world's luckiest people.

more to come….