Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Poem for My Flat Chest

In keeping with my recent posts on whether or not to reconstruct/replace one's breasts after a mastectomy, I offer one of my poems:

Double Amputee

I have looked this way
flat-chested, pencil-thin

when I was ten

Strange it is to seem
a sexless child

(Too bad about
the graying hair
and slightly sagging chin)

(Excerpted from Fine Black LIines (c) 1993, 2003 Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad)

4 Marriage Tips from Someone Who Thought She Knew

My models for marriage were not flawless.

Although of course I didn't really know (can one ever really know about someone else's marriage?), I did not view the marriages of several couples in my early life as being especially happy. Some of them indulged in long, uncomfortable silences when they were angry or hurt. Others barely tolerated one another. My grandparents had not shared a bed since they were surprised by their sixth child.

I knew I wanted to be able to share my deepest thoughts with whomever my future husband would be; I wanted him to be my best friend, there for me when I needed him; I wanted to write poems for him and have him understand. I wanted more. (Excerpted from This Path)

And of course, there in my teens, I thought that knowing what I wanted would make a marriage perfect. No surprise there. I thought I knew everything. 

It turns out that our marriage is not perfect. But it has lasted 64 years,15 days, and counting. And Les and I do have a few more tips that have helped us:

  1. Understand that no partner in a marriage is 100% wrong.
  2. If you think you hate him, watch him sleep and gently touch his face.
  3. Try to go to bed at the same time each night; play kissy-face.
  4. Realize that sex can be a rite of forgiveness.


What strategies have you used to improve your marriage?

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5 Tips on Marriage from Someone Who Really Doesn’t Know

64 years and 13 days.

As our anniversary month nears a close, I think of many things I would have liked to have shared. Oh, well, maybe next year! Or maybe this Thursday.

I don't usually talk about tips because I firmly believe that each new day in a marriage is an adventure with the possibility to be totally amazing and the possibility of falling off a cliff with a steep climb back. (The steep climb back is only feasible if the fall has not been fatal.)

"Amazing" or "devastating" depend somewhat on the affect of the two persons involved on a given day and somewhat on events that unfold and somewhat on events that occurred years ago that tend to pop up at the most inopportune moments. (People talk about leaving past altercations in the past. Good for them.)

And I don't give advice because, even after 64 years, no one is an expert on marriage.

Anyway, if these help, I'm happy.

  • Create a post-parenthood marriage. It will be different from pre-parenthood and vastly different from the years you were bearing and raising children.
  • Remember no partner in a marriage is ever 100% right.
  • Make a commitment to life-long sexual connection. You'll be glad you did.
  • Reinvent your lives as necessary.
  • Realize that your shared history becomes more precious as each year goes by.


I'd like to hear your tips. 

And remember the special offer stands through September 30. Copies of This Path We Share for only $10 plus FREE shipping. Click on "Order Direct Add to Cart." Any questions, 303.781.8974. Money back guarantee.