Lois Hjelmstad

Lois Hjelmstad.com

Compassion and courage for the times you need it.

64 years and 13 days.

As our anniversary month nears a close, I think of many things I would have liked to have shared. Oh, well, maybe next year! Or maybe this Thursday.

I don't usually talk about tips because I firmly believe that each new day in a marriage is an adventure with the possibility to be totally amazing and the possibility of falling off a cliff with a steep climb back. (The steep climb back is only feasible if the fall has not been fatal.)

"Amazing" or "devastating" depend somewhat on the affect of the two persons involved on a given day and somewhat on events that unfold and somewhat on events that occurred years ago that tend to pop up at the most inopportune moments. (People talk about leaving past altercations in the past. Good for them.)

And I don't give advice because, even after 64 years, no one is an expert on marriage.

Anyway, if these help, I'm happy.

  • Create a post-parenthood marriage. It will be different from pre-parenthood and vastly different from the years you were bearing and raising children.
  • Remember no partner in a marriage is ever 100% right.
  • Make a commitment to life-long sexual connection. You'll be glad you did.
  • Reinvent your lives as necessary.
  • Realize that your shared history becomes more precious as each year goes by.


I'd like to hear your tips. 

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2 Responses

  1. I have only been married 4 years, and within that timeframe I lost my father and my father-in-law, and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My tip (which works for marriage and for life): As bad as today might be, after a good night’s sleep, we can deal with tomorrow, whatever it brings.

    I really love your Tip #5 (that a marriage’s shared history becomes more precious as each year goes by). I will remember that! Thanks for sharing your tips.

  2. You’re welcome for the tips. The shared history is really a biggie, especially as we get older. Only my brother and sister and one friend have known me longer than Les has. Everyone else is gone. I find it comforting that Les remembers me as I was when I was young.

    Your four years of marriage have been very stressful. I’m sorry for that. But it may well continue. Les and I try to find love and joy amidst the many tough times. Sometimes we can. Sometimes we can’t. 🙂

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