Most of us can’t do it all. We have to decide.
I remember well the poem I wrote when I was middle-aged. (Whatever that is. Isn't 60 the new 40? Which at 81 makes me the new 61? I…don’t…think…so.)
At any rate, I was a very busy woman back then with my own four teenagers and my 60+ piano students. I had to reconsider my life-long notion that I could indeed do everything and have it all.
Each segment of my life – my husband, my children, my piano students, my parents, my friends, my church – wanted me to cut down on the other segments and give more time to them. In a fit of despair one day, I wrote:
On Being All Things to All People
Many words are written
that I will never read
Many items go on sale
that I will never need
Many notes are playing
that I will never hear
Many hearts are giving
a love I need not share
And many paths there be
to which I may incline
yet somehow a choice I make
and to that choice resign
Here at last in middle years
I know my limitation
and inherent in that truth
I find emancipation
After my diagnosis of chronic fatigue syndrome at age 58 and breast cancer at 59, I found even more need to choose when and how I will/can do things. I searched for courage, clarity, and compassion for myself.
Judgment Call
I am willing to spend a day teaching children
but I am not willing to track investments.
It was one thing when I had
all the time in the world.
It is another thing now.
I am willing to listen to another’s pain
but I am not willing to chit-chat over lunch.
It was one thing when
any subject interest me.
It is another thing now.
I am willing to walk two miles in the woods
but I am not willing to hunt for a bargain.
It was one thing when I had
all the strength in the world.
It is another thing now.
I am grateful to discover the difference
between things that matter to me —
and things that do not.
(Excerpted from Fine Black Lines: Reflections on Facing Cancer, Fear and Loneliness, © 1993, 2003, Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad)
And now, I still try to remember and live up to these two poems. It goes better some days than others.
So —
What/who could you give up to make your life more manageable?
Where will you find the strength to say No?
And how is your courage supply today?
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