Posts Tagged ‘death’

On Mother’s Birthday?!

(See end of post for special offer.)

I meant to post this yesterday, because September 20 is my mother's birthday, but life happened. Anyway, here we are today:

September 20, 1995 –

Today is Mother's birthday. It is a busy day for me. I have a presentation at 9:00 a.m.. at Southwest Medical Center here in Oklahoma City, a luncheon speech at Baptist Medical Center, and a reading at 5:30 p.m. before the Board of Directors of the Oklahoma City Chapter of the Komen Foundation.

I wonder briefly if my overscheduling the day has anything to do with the fact that it is the first birthday since my mother's death in May.

After Les and I fight the rain one last time and return to the hotel, weary and cold, I feel let down. I've been hoping against hope that our new grandchild, due next week, would arrive on Mom's birthday.

I try to call Keith and Kara several times, but the line is busy. It is already 10:30 p.m. I check my messages and there isn't even one saying that they have gone to the hospital. Kara's first labor was very long. I know it is too late. It is simply too late.

Fifteen mintues later, the phone rings. Keith says, "We did it. We have our little girl."

On Mother's birthday? Was Kirsten Nicole really born on Mother's birthday? Oh, joy of joy!

The circle of life continues.

(Excerpted from The Last Violet: Mourning My Mother, (c) 2002 Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad)

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Just Stay Positive?

"You will be just fine" has long been a problem for me. No matter what horrendous circumstance one is facing, what one needs is support and validation, not cheer-leading. Discounting a person's feelings and implying that everything can be solved by being positive does a great disservice to the ill or injured or depressed or bereaved.

But at one time or another, I suspect we have all said it. I know I have. Do we say it to reassure others? To reassure ourselves? To deny what's going on?

And beyond that, there is "Just stay positive." Another soul shrinker that:

  • implies you caused your own cancer with your negativity
  • burdens you with being in charge of getting well
  • causes infinite pain if cancer eats at you until you die

I have a poem to share with you:

You Will Be Just Fine

Please do not trivialize
my suffering.

You who are healthy
You whose mortaility is as yet
Only dimly preceived–
Please do not say
"You will be just fine."

I may well be–someday–
But I do not know…
You do not know…

(Excerpted from Fine Black Lines: Reflections on Facing Cancer, Fear and Loneliness, (c) 1993, 2003 Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad. All rights reserved.)

And tell me why you think we keep saying, "You will be just fine."

 

Why Am I Alive? Why Is She Dead? No. 4

The White Horse
(for Ann)

Death comes on a white horse
to carry you away

I see the love in Her eyes as
she lifts you carefully
and cradles you in Her arms

You go willingly, eagerly,
even though you know

you can't come home again

(Excerpted from Fine Black Lines (c) 1993, 2003 Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad)

I miss you, Ann.

Why Am I Alive? Why Is She Dead? No. 3

Shoreline
(for Ann)

Everything seems
so distant
now

Is Life receding or
is Eternity
approaching?

(Excerpted from Fine Black Lines, (c) 1993, 2003 Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad)

 

Why Am I Alive? Why Is She Dead? No. 2

This is August–the month in which I wrote several poems for my dear friend, trying to cope with her dying, trying not to be scared for myself, trying to find courage. (See No. 1)

Questions

how do you live
when your life has been
reduced to dying?

where do you find
some shreds of joy
amidst the crying?

when is it time
to cut the bonds and
give up trying?

(Excerpted from Fine Black Lines: Reflections on Facing Cancer, Fear, and Loneliness (C) 1993, 2003 Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad)

More poems for Ann to come…